When we first got engaged, we were on cloud 9 -- and still are! We made big promises that our marriage would always trump the wedding. And while that is still my heart, gosh, I fail at it sometimes. My fiancé is much better at keeping this perspective than I am. Surely I'm not alone in my struggle.
You see, at first when I started the planning, I knew a lot of the big things already. We knew our venue, I knew I'd be hiring a coordinator to help us on the day of, we hired the catering company that both our planner and our venue most highly recommended, my mom and I found my dress about 2 weeks after getting engaged. Everything was falling into place! One moment I was feeling good about things, and the next I was overwhelmed. Details, emotions, people, opinions, holy-cow-I'm-getting-married, excitement, nerves, the cake!, the weather?! While I absolutely love planning our wedding (really, this has been SO fun for me!), the details just never stop.
In addition to actually picking things out and deciding on details, we had to consider so many people's opinions in the planning, which is what got me a little bit overwhelmed to begin, I think. Since we live in Michigan and our wedding is in California, we are asking a lot of people to travel out for the wedding. As you can imagine, that came with excitement from some and grumbling from others. I wouldn't dream of having our wedding anywhere other than California (where I grew up, in a city I adore)-- didn't everyone understand that?! To be transparent, I wrestled with feelings of entitlement and hurt. My fiancé always lovingly reminded me that people's opinions and comments don't ultimately have any weight on the point of the day. We're getting married and that's all that matters!
Then there's the biggest thing. Especially in my industry, I'm constantly bombarded with unique wedding ideas, gorgeous inspiration shoots, amazingly thoughtful details, the whole nine yards. One night, I was sitting on my sofa browsing Pinterest (aka the black hole of comparison, if you're planning a wedding) to look up favor ideas. By this point, we had pretty much agreed on giving apple raspberry jams as our favor, as an ode to our meeting at an apple orchard. However, I couldn't stop looking up ideas. With every new favor I found, the more I second-guessed ours. McCann reminded me, once again, that this detail didn't ultimately matter. It mattered to him, because it mattered to me (what a good guy!), but our favor wasn't going to make or break our wedding day.
That night I learned I had to walk away from Pinterest. Walk away from ideas in general, in fact. Being a creative person, ideas are constantly swimming through my head. I actually keep a notebook in my purse to write them down, because Lord knows when I'm going to have a great idea I must remember ;) My problem is there are too many GREAT ideas, it's often hard to narrow down. There HAS to be a balance between desiring a beautiful wedding day and not going crazy over the details. It wouldn't be me if I didn't put thought and effort into the details of our day, but what I'm trying to get across is that I don't need to stress out over them.
The point being, sometimes you just have to land on one thing and go with it -- no second-guessing allowed. Comparison is the thief of joy. I found myself comparing a lot through my wedding planning process. Comparing budgets, colors, guest book ideas, the favor, the cake, the food options, song choices (heaven help me!). The list goes on and on.
But as our planning comes to a close (well, at least we're at a stand-still right now) and September is just around the corner, I want to remember the only details and logistics that truly matter:
I'm getting married to my best friend. We're promising each other forever in front of family and friends. We are given the chance to share God's love with others through our marriage. God has been so kind to us and we want to celebrate that! We love because He first loved us.
That's it! And that's what I'm most excited about for our big day. I'm going to be a wife to the best man I know. Ah! What an honor.
Can anyone share in my planning experience?
Not to say wedding planning wasn't overwhelming at times, but I'm so glad I got married before Pinterest took over our lives! It really is the black hole for comparison! Your fiancé sounds amazing and very grounding!
ReplyDeleteThis happens ALL the time sweet friend, and it never makes it easier! Especially for you being in the wedding industry... I was so grateful to be one of the first of my friends to get married and before Pinterest ever existed but it just happens for me on other levels - form business and design, home decor, kids learning and activities, clothes and fashion, make up and hair- it never ends!
ReplyDeleteWell done for staying level headed and for the two of you to be so perfect for each other! So excited for you x
I just wrote a blog on this very topic! There were a few ideas I'm glad that we did make happen, but for everything else, in terms of planning, I really tried to just look at the big picture, because you're so right - Pinterest can suck the life out of you. Your wedding will be beautiful not because of the things you buy but because of who you and your fiance are.
ReplyDeleteWedding planning is so much more fun when you aren't actually planning your wedding - only 1 opinion to consider, endless budget, all vendors are available and there's no actual commitment to any 1 decision because there isn't a real date - then you get engaged, start planning and thinking "I've been dreaming and scheming about this day FOREVER, I've already got 1/2 the details nailed down!" Then you remember you have a fiance (who's opinion is pretty important) and a few parents who want a say, and then friends and neighbors and strangers.... and then... then there's the love-hate pinterest relationship...
ReplyDeleteOnce the wedding is here and gone, and you're on the married side of life - all those details which seem OH SO IMPORTANT now will be a distant memory (if you can even recall them at all!) and you'll be on to the next big adventure with your husband by your side and you'll look at your pictures from time to time or maybe watch the video a handful of times and all you'll care about it that it was the day that you agreed to forever love.
Best of luck with selecting details - you have impeccable taste so you're wedding will be beautiful no matter what!
Having a good teammate in your corner is the sweetest gift in wedding planning...and the best part is, that kind of support will continue in your marriage! A lot of the qualities I deeply appreciated about my now-husband during the planning process have translated into moments in our marriage when I am fretting about he opinions of others or comparison. Truly a gift from the Lord!
ReplyDeleteOh Michaela I am right there with you!
ReplyDeleteWow! Thanks for sharing, girl! Definitely a good thing to remember and a rarely shared perspective. I'm helping my little sister wedding plan and having all kinds of emotions about it, she is too naturally, but we keep saying "At the end of the day you'll be married to a godly man who loves you. That's the only detail that matters." The rest is fun and beautiful but should not stress away the joy of the day.
ReplyDeleteLoved this post! Yes, you are right in what the day actually boils down to. Just one day - and you get to be married a lifetime. Even though I got married before Pinterest, there were still thousands of ideas out on the internet and the opinions coming at you from all sides. In fact, I had someone make a comment about my wedding recently, and I have been married over 12 years! Good for you for recognizing the crazy that can come from comparison. And you know what? I didn't care. Because my husband and I are best friends going through life together. Enjoy the final couple of months before you get married. Sounds like you will do a great job of soaking in the time as fiancés before becoming husband and wife.
ReplyDeleteYes! I love that you're walking away from Pinterest and pursuing what matters most.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog post! I love how open you are about struggling with comparisons. I feel like it's such an easy trap to fall into, especially working in the wedding industry! Your wedding will be such a beautiful experience! Congratulations!
ReplyDeletelove this! And so true!!! Planning a wedding can be overwhelming especially if you lose sight of what it is really about. I had to constantly remind myself of this when planning my own wedding!
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